[Originally written on this date in 2004]
On Monday I was in the mood for yet another road trip. Tired of taking the same highways down to Jon’s neck of the woods, I dug out a useful map of Jersey. Did not realize how much of the state I have yet to explore, but that is part of the reason I enjoy driving around. Route of choice was 9 south, since I had already been down many other southbound highways.
During the drive, I took note of the usual managerie of cement diners, WaWa’s, adult video stores, go-go joints and strip malls. Wish I could remember the name of that tiny diner I passed as I definitely want go back and eat there. Also found many other grab-joints, mostly stakehouses and Italian restaurants. There was also this place I came across that was composed of actual dining cars from a train, and I somewhat remember eating at one of those a long time ago.
My final destination was Surf City out on LBI, where Jon was already waiting for me. Of course since he lives in the southern part of the state, it takes him less time to reach our meeting points than it does for me, but for some reason I still find it amazing that he is always there first. When I pulled up I could already see the smile on his face, and upon exiting my vehicle I was immediately consumed by his arms. He smelled like whiskey, weed and leather – I just wanted to leave my head there and listen to the awkward rhythm of his heart beat. There was a beach to be explored, so he took my hand instead while somehow managing to light a joint. That boy is just pure magic sometimes.
To be honest, I am not sure if we were supposed to be on the beach or not, but no one was around to tell us to get off. We took a very leisurely stroll on the beach as high tide rolled in, talking from time to time about whatever popped into our heads. Perhaps we should not have been so close to the surf, as a few waves crept up and got our legs wet. The water was pretty cold, but since it is still Spring I should have expected that. Jon thought it was funny to initiate a splash fight until his height worked against him and he tumbled into the chilly surf. Which I personally thought was incredibly hilarious, but he failed to find humor in being completely soaked.After hours of walking along the sand, Jon had managed to air-dry and so we headed back to where we had parked our vehicles. Definitely suspected that I smelled like the ocean, as I could feel the humid air in my hair and on my face. Sand managed to follow me into the car and will likely remain there no matter how many times I vacuum, but I kind of enjoy the fact that I can take the beach where ever I go.
Followed Jon back to his house where he commenced to prepare a most delicious meal. The more time we spend together, the less motivation I have for wanting to come back here. Being with him is like a whole different life, especially since I am so far away from things that have been familiar for far too long. It is hard for me to leave and I often lay awake questioning why I am in bed alone, listening to my mom and her boyfriend argue, when I know I would be much happier in his arms. Of course I am afraid of approaching this subject because I know he values me as a friend and that is where things end. Denying my feelings does not make them go away, and I continue to be plagued with loneliness even though my heart belongs to him.