Autumn Celebrations

[Originally written on this date in 2004]

Last Thursday I took a trip into the City to pick up a few pieces of body jewelry – $40 bought me two 12g circular barbels [with spiked ends for septum], two 16g nostril screws [with spiked ends], two 14g rings [for lip], one 14g curved barbel [for vertical labret] one 16g ring [for right helix] and one 14g retainer to replace the one I lost.  Obviously it was a short and very to-the-point visit, but that is because I did not want to waste too much time before heading down to South Jersey, where I would be spending the weekend with Jon at his request.

Spent most of the afternoon watching random things on t.v., then headed to a diner for some grub.  Have I mentioned how much fun it is to go out in public?  While I am certain that I have, it bears repeating because I cannot have enough moments where I enjoy the company of my best friend.  It is not that I lacked in the confidence department before we met, though admittedly I am quite shy and socially awkward, but when you are out with someone who has about as many body modifications as you do, there is a tendency of not giving a shit about anyone else.  No matter where we go or how many other people are around, it is just Jon and me.  Aside from that, I have always had a desire to be one of those visually appealing couples that compliment each other, and I’m certain we achieve that without much effort.

After dinner we hopped over to the theater for Shaun of the Dead, which is a spoof of other zombie flicks that had us both laughing the entire time.  Then again, we did smoke a fat joint in the Chevy before going in and Jon manged to slip a flask of whiskey in, which had been drunk empty before the movie was even half over.  Enjoyed the fact that for the first ten minutes or so of the movie, Shaun and Ed did not realize there were zombies infesting the streets.  There were many moments of hilarity and even some decent gore scenes.  My favorite part was when Shaun and Ed were singing together and a zombie kept chiming in.

The following day after having an intense conversation about what direction we want to take the sideshow troupe [considering that currently it is just the two of us], Jon suggested that we take our minds off everything for a while and whisks me away to dinner at some trendy seafood restaurant.  Between us we have a fair amount of visible tattoos and piercings, a penchant for black clothes and spiked accessories, and generally do not care whether we ‘blend in’ with the atmosphere of whatever place we enter.  We also rocked faux ‘hawks which obviously grabbed attention, as everyone else wore button-down shirts with slacks or blouse and skirt ensembles with heels.  Making a scene has become a major part of our outings, and I greatly enjoy every moment.  Dined on coconut shrimp and drank wine while our loud conversations drifted to the tables around us.  Serves them right for having seated us in the back next to the kitchen, lest we offend the delicate sensibilities of others.

After that he drove me to a lake out in the middle of nowhere and we spent some quality time talking.  The moon and stars were the only light source as we tossed pebbles towards the puddle of ink and tried to guess what was making the various sounds we heard.  Jon absently remarked it was the first day of Autumn as he lit a joint and turned towards me with a smile.  The evening was lost to a handful of mushrooms and tracing shapes in the star-spattered sky.

It gets harder and harder to say good-bye, and I know that I could spend countless hours just existing with him, gazing into those eyes and knowing that I can trust him.

Yesterday my sister and I took a drive up to Starlight for some new mods since I discovered I had more money than previously assumed, though I suspect Jon had something to do with the sudden appearance of those extra bills.  What better way to put it to use than to get more holes poked in my body?

For the longest time, since I apprenticed as a body piercer in fact, I have wanted to get my conches pierced.  However, I know that it can be a difficult piercing to heal due to the thickness of the cartilage in that part of the ear.  Then I discovered dermal punching, and after having my septum done, I decided that I would see if the same procedure would be better.  Had the opportunity to select my own jewelry, so I went with a pair of clear glass plugs that have little skulls painted on the ends in a 4 gauge.

The actual process was not that bad at all, which might be credited to the fact I distracted myself with the current issue of Savage and all the lovely pictures inside.  The pain from the punch was minimal despite the noise the tool made.  It was the pressure from the jewelry that got to me, though over all there was very little blood.  Not sure if I should be disappointed or not, though now that I think about it, I never really did bleed much when I got pierced in the past.  My ears were definitely sore after the whole procedure was finished, and I felt a bit woozy while in the chair so I waited a few minutes before I got up.  At least I ate that day, so I am stumped to as why that happened.  Wound up having to sit down as a second wave got me, but having a small portion of your ears removed will likely do that.  Then it was my sister’s turn to get her ears scalpelled, which was pretty bloody yet fascinating to watch, and I am glad that we got to share the experience.

There was a bit of dried up blood on the backs of the holes when I returned to the apartment in E-town, and sleep was weird because my ears felt tight.  They feel better today, as long as I don’t touch them, which of course I avoid unless I am cleaning them.  Definitely happy with the result and it will be cool to see how they heal.  Then I will have nice little holes in my conches that I can look through, which makes me chuckle a bit.


Auspicious Autumn

The season is but four days old, so to expect Nature to get with it in such a short amount of time is like hoping this year holiday items won’t clog store isles, yet there they have been since earlier this month.  In my little corner of the woods nestled among farmland, rural ruin and small towns of southern New Jersey, the trees are still very much green.  There are a few hints of changing colors hidden beneath layers of healthy leaves and chilly evenings that turn to cold mornings which indicate that Autumn is indeed in the air.  On an intimate level, it brings up many memories because Halloween was always something I looked forward to while I was still doing sideshow with Jon.  He really enjoyed scaring people and took it as a personal challenge to do so by creating his own characters and crafting the costumes himself.  It is a tradition that we shared for many years until that fateful night he crashed on the Wall of Death, and I do what I can to continue celebration in a similar fashion.


While I have not yet had the pleasure of using their products, Illamasqua is a company that I support because I am so enamored with the messages behind their makeup.  They are not telling me what is or is not beautiful – they encourage me to embrace the things that separate me from everyone else, as we all have unique features that are distinct and deserve to be loved.  Their latest collection, Generation Q , “is a celebration of individual self-expression.  Ageless, and without limits or restrictions.  It’s our declaration to the world that beauty is inclusive, not exclusive.  In fact, Generation Q is a clear message to everybody, everywhere that beauty is not young, old, black, white, male or female, but anything, everything and everyone”; touted as “a new, dynamic range that provides the industry’s only antidote to the cartels’ homogenised and prejudiced vision of beauty”.  The campaign goes against an industry taboo by featuring models of various ages who are makeup fans, such as Ian who says that he has “always admired self-expression for men and women” as well as “people who choose to be different”, which are excellent examples of why I am so fond of these products.

The overall message of Generation Q is that beauty has no age limit, and so the twelve products in this collection can be used by anyone for every occasion.  To compose a series of detailed looks, integrate shades from the Empower Palette, described as highly pigmented shadows in Synth (iridescent pale pink glitter), Fervent (reddish brown with multi-tonal glitter) and Blink (soft beige nude).  Slick, a charcoal grey metallic, is the fourth color in this palette and meant to mimic the illuminating reflections of .  The Complement Palette also has three shadows and one Liquid Metal, which allows the cool metallic brown of Focus and soft champagne shimmer of Slink to play against the rich chocolate plum of Forgiveness and blackened plum of Queen of the Night.  Bring out your bold side with Wisdom, an antiqued gold Precision Ink that is long-lasting and waterproof.  To highlight the natural beauty of your face and body, Aurora is a champagne Gleam that is a lustrous cream packed with pearly iridescence.

There are two Powder Blushers in the collection that are meant to shade, brighten, enhance and define the shape of your face.  The high pigmented intense colors are S.O.P.H.I.E., a golden coral shimmer, and Allure, a dusky rose with pink shimmer.  For full and glossy lips, Intense Lipgloss is hailed as “liquid lipstick”, color-rich with a high shine that comes in bold shades such as Boost (blueberry violet) and Opulent (rainbow beige).  If your desire is a perfect all-night pout, try color-intense lipsticks in Magnetism (deep raspberry pink) 0r Underworld (iridescent blueberry violet).  Coordinate nails by polishing them with Creator, a magical black full of sparkle, and add accents of Magnetism.


Urban Decay is continuously noted for their stunning shadow palettes and are often coveted by those who are self-proclaimed makeup addicts, so it is no surprise that Vice contains twenty never before seen shades.  Get your fix with this mix of mattes, satins, shimmers, naturals and brights; colors range from breathtaking gold to shimmery green to jet-black satin.  Each shadow features Urban Decay‘s brand new Pigment Infusion System™, a blend of ingredients that gives them a velvety texture, rich color, blendability and serious staying power.  The palette is packed into a sleek purple case complete with a jeweled company logo that opens with the push of a button, and also comes with a double-ended Good Karma Brush.  As usual, the names are intriguing enough to create a story, as one can feel Desperation (greyish taupe brown matte-satin) of wanting this collection of gorgeous shadows, and waiting too long to purchase it could leave you scouring the Black Market (dark charcoal black matte-satin) for it.  Craving this Vice (dark eggplant with subtle red shimmer) can make you feel like a Junkie (dark green-blue with gold shimmer), but block out the Noise (dark reddish-pink metallic with big gold glitter) and be an Unhinged (electric turquoise blue metallic) Provocateur (light greyish pink with lots of mutlidimensional glitter) steeped in Chaos (vibrant royal blue with subtle shimmer).


This lunchbox style tin by LUSH is full of tropical treats which I feel can be used any time of year to feel as though you are on a secluded island with a harem of eye candy whose sole purpose is to pamper you into ecstasy.  Featuring a design by artist Sam Bevington, this tin contains six innovative products made with fresh fruits, herbs and essential oils.  It is a great way to introduce others to LUSH, plus the tin can be re-used for lunches, your favorite makeup stashes or anything you want.  The collection includes fruity favorites – a Bath Bomb, Bubble Bar Slice and Luxury Bath Melt – along with Sexy Peel soap, Each Peach massage bar and Karma Komba shampoo  bar.  Makes a great gift for others or be the envy of everyone by spoiling yourself.

Pinup Couture: Atomic Print Skirt

There was a time when the Atomic Age was a figment of the imagination fueled by fiction set in dystopian futures where the world has been reshaped by an atomic bomb.  Embracing the unknown with science fantasies where the traditional family and the perfect house with white picket fence were depicted on Mars as opposed to post-war developments.  However, it became a frightening reality as school children were taught to duck and cover during screeching drills.  Thankfully fashion is far less gruesome when it comes to taking a retro style print and turning it into something which brings a lot more cheer.



Pinup Couture gives us the Doris Skirt, a full vintage style skirt made from a luxe cotton sateen that comes with a wide vinyl belt to assist in defining your waist.  It comes in turquoise and pink, both of which are decorated with an exclusive Atomic Boomerang Print designed by Joe de Blois.  Compliment this full swing skirt with a black Bridgette Blouse by Mode Merr to encompass the bold, seductive allure of a woman straight from the pages of a pulp novel.  Dramatic sleeves, a plunging neckline, gathered bust, shoulder details and fitted midriff combine to make this a dangerous blouse.


Dixiefried: the Niagara Dress

Dixifried is a Los Angeles clothing company that launched in 1997 and has been enjoyed by enthusiasts ever since, as no other brand has matched their level of workmanship.  Around the same time they came into being, an artist dubbed “The Queen of Detroit” by Juxtapoz had just garnered regional praised for her breakout exhibits.  Niagara soon saw success in New York, San Franciso and Tokyo, subsequently creating the iconic “Niagara Girl”.  The figures were far from those found in traditional pinup art, as she represented feminist swagger with drop dead gorgeous looks and an equally dangerous demeanor.  They were hard-boiled, tough-talking dames who would rather dispatch a man than put up with his antics; bold post-pulp comic strip countenances of femme fatales in various depictions of malfeasance.  It is easy to see why these gun-toting, booze-swilling ladies would be an appealing inspiration.

The Niagara Dress is crafted from high quality soft stretch bengaline and features a sultry neckline with a tie and cutout detail at the bust to showcase your assets.  Though the cap sleeves have the appearance of being almost off the shoulder, they will actually stay put and not slide at inappropriate moments.  A fitted silhouette and gathering at the center front of the dress hides imperfections around the tummy area, while a front slit provides an unexpected touch.  This stunning dress is available in both basic and plus sizes [up to 2x] and comes in black, red, white, peach and Tiffany blue.


Cruisers and Diner Talk

[Originally written on this date in 2004]

The vibes leftover from that house party must have still been surging through my veins,  because I dared to request that Jon pick me up in E-town, just a few blocks from the apartment.  Of course the Asshole was nowhere to be found so I was not worried if he saw us, but I do have to slightly question what made me so bold.

In any event, we headed into the Center to drool over classic cars.  They were lined up in a parking lot while oldies blasted out over loud speakers.  Jon held my hand as we navigated around the lot, pointing out his favorite vehicles and rattling off a list of facts as to why he liked them so much.  Quite a few of the older gentlemen who owned said cars were quite impressed on his wealth of knowledge and engaged in conversations with him.  It seemed they were surprised that someone like Jon would have such a respect for vintage vehicles, and he happily explained that his father had imparted the wisdom upon him as a young child.  They certainly were pleased and I was amused because I really enjoy the way he speaks to people.

After having our fill of that, Jon drove up to the Arlington diner, which has been re-faced with chrome and looks splendid.  Split a joint before heading inside and proceeded to order a massive spread of soups, salad and the daily special.  We spent many hours talking about nothing.  Okay, not really, but the subjects were so varied, it is hard to pick just one.  Apparently my memory is also failing me at the moment because so many things have been going on and I barely have time to jot down notes.

There was much sentimentality exhanged in the parking lot, mostly because I really dislike having to say good-bye to Jon.  Considering that I feel as though I have waited so long to find someone like him, going our separate ways after spending quality time together is almost painful.  He left me with a few new bite marks which I may have encouraged.  The last huge bruise was easily explained away as an accidental slippage on the wet floor, and the arm making contact with a door knob.  Being a Carny, I always enjoy the opportunity to flex my skills and often impress myself with how well I can bullshit, not to mention the level of my ability to do so.

When I returned at five in the a.m., I was greeted by a very unhappy Asshole who decided to bitch and generally sling jealousy my way with accusations of “moving on” and whatever else.  Oh, sorry, I did not realize that living together automatically meant that we were in a mutually exclusive and monogamous relationship, especially since I do not remember agreeing to such.  Long story short, he was pissed that I am spending so much time with another guy and called me a whore.  Again, I really fail to see his logic or how I can be “cheating” on someone I am not actually dating.

He can say whatever he wants, because I am not going to feel bad nor am I going to allow him to shame me for enjoying the company of someone who means the world to me.  Of course I also have to remember not to mention anything to Jon, because I know he would not take kindly to me being called a whore.  For now I will do what I can to keep the situation under control, but if the Asshole decides to be less than civil, I will certainly have no problem getting Jon involved.

Only one of the two people mentioned in this entry were in my thoughts as I took a two hour nap.

Hostessing a House Party

[Originally written on this date in 2004]

Slept soundly following my return from the beach early in the morning. Then I promptly awoke at quater after seven for my chauffeur activity. When I reached my destination, I received news that a malfuncion voided the purpose for my trip, so we ran errands instead and I still received my pay.

Stopped off at the library to use one of their computers to catch up on a few things since the Asshole is not always willing to lend his.  Returned to the apartment in order to gather my things and then hopped in my car. Headed down the Parkway with a bit of speed and determination, smiling when the familiar sight of my best friend’s house came into view. Was caught in a hug immediately upon entering. The consumption of alcohol began early with a little something Jon had brewed up that he called Jersey Devil’s Reserve, and he refused to tell me exactly what was in it.

Two hours later, after we had smoked a joint and made a game plan, I set off to clean the bathroom and kitchen, thus making them presentable to the guests.  Just as I was beginning to relax, Jon announces that we must go buy food. First we have a shot and smoke a bowl, then we go to the supermarket. That has become one of my favorite things to do, especially when high, because it is as though people have never seen other people shopping before, and so I find the whole experience to be quite hilarious.

Sorted the groceries out once we returned to his house and took charge in preparation of the chicken cutlets. Jon manned the frying pans, and together we created an efficient system that yielded delicious-looking results. After completing the chicken we set ourselves to the task of making and assembling the rest of the dishes, then took another smoke break.

Watched some Simpsons while assembling myself, keeping both hair and makeup simple, neat and clean. Or as Jon said, I managed to pull off the perfect 50’s housewife look with black halterneck dress and coordinating heels, while my tattoos, piercings and short hair were contemporary reminders to society that I was fully empowered and would take shit from no one.  He was quite stunning in a proper vintage cobalt blue suit with powder blue shirt, matching striped tie and pocket square, blue snakeskin boots peering from beneath the trousers. Hair glistened in soft waves and I swear that I felt myself blush horribly as he stole a tiny kiss right when the doorbell rang.

Guests arrived in a steady flow and certainly brought along their appetites. Plates were being filled with food while conversations blended. The alcohol was flowing and at least three joints were circulating around the room at all times. Became occupied by a lovely lady who expressed interest in changing her hairstyle, and I suggested that she perhaps go for a richer color. An A-line cut would be fantastic and accenuate her face more, but she mentioned being somewhat attached to her length so was unsure if something that was shorter would suit her.

Had an interesting conversation with her boyfriend, who apparently really wants a genital piercing. He was pretty animate about it and kept asking me the names of different ones, what kind of jewelry they used and how long it would take to have sex again. If he was any other random creeper and not a greaser I would have definitely walked away, but I was kind of humored by his flagrant disregard for the others who were giving him glares because he was talking so loudly about wanting to pierce his cock.

Between serving dinner and setting out desert, Jon and I did a bit of sideshow for the guests who were totally surprised. While it was only a few acts, they were well-receptive and fully interactive which just made the whole set that much more enjoyable. Jon shocked even me when he resurrected his old Geek act, which may have actually grossed out several people. It was incredibly unexpected but bloody brilliant and perhaps even a bit disturbing.

A classic moment from the evening is when one of Jon’s friend somehow manages to lose his keys. He walked the house several times, retracing his steps in order to find them, and comes up with nothing. He goes out in the street a few times but still has no keys. He shrugged it off as no big loss and headed for home. He then returns a few moments later, remembering that he placed them in a hat. Reaching behind the food, he produced both hat and keys, which caused a hearty round of laughter from everyone.

Several hours later, I have officially lost count of the alcohol consumed and joints smoked, and sleep was definitely getting to everyone. The guests parted graciously, and thanks was kindly given.

We contemplated whether we should use what little energy we had left to clean up or wait until we got up the next day. Considering the fact that it was already well into the a.m. hour, we do some drag racing and get the whole house tidied in record time. Then we go out to the beach and watch the sun rise. There is still sand stuck between my toes when we climb in bed, but I am smiling again and nothing else matters.

Forty Eight Hours of Fun

[Originally written on this date in 2004]

This past Summer has opened me up to a whole lot of things, namely just how close of a friend Jon is and how wonderful our relationship has been.  We spent a lot of time hanging out on the beach together, far removed from everything that I have grown up with, where I am free to openly show my affection for someone who makes my life feel complete, even if that is nothing more than holding his hand.  It would be impossible to deny the fact that there is a mutual attraction which has not been acted upon because I was dating the Asshole.

However, that whole debacle is seemingly over and has been for a long time as far as I am concerned.  Just because we are living together does not mean that we are properly dating, and it is easy to explain my absence with vague reference to working.  The money does not lie, but he also has no idea that I have been earning it by performing.  Nor does he need to know because as long as I am able to pay my share of rent/bills and buy my own food, he tends to leave me alone.

In any event, I met up with Jon Monday night down at Vintage Vinyl – I did have to drop off those fliers for the tattoo convention after all.  Left my car in the lot and Jon drove up to a park in Lyndhurst where we played on the equipment.  Our conversations are always about random subjects, and this time was no exception.  For some reason I always find comfort in being able to just sit and talk to someone without feeling pressured into engaging in physical contact.

After hours of swings, slides and scurrying through the woods, a cop car came by to tell us that the park was closed.  Oh, I guess we missed the sign that had blatantly informed us the park closes after sunset.  We laughed that the officer did not even get out of his car while walking back to Jon’s Chevy.  He held me for a moment before unlocking the door to place a gentle kiss on my lips.

Drove back to Vintage Vinyl so I could pick up my vehicle and followed Jon down the darkened highway until we reached a neon lit diner where we shared coffee and more excellent conversation, mainly our plans for the sideshow come fall.  Some time around six in the morning, I realized that I had to get back so I could drive my grandma to the hospital for her radiation treatment, and he had to head off to work.  There may have been more kissing in the parking lot before we officially parted, and I was still smiling when I got to bed.

Did not go to sleep until after nine on Tuesday and I am still not sure what kept me up.  The Asshole wasn’t home when I got in, and I have no idea what time he did get back.  He wasn’t too happy when he called me the next afternoon, wanting to know where I was and complaining that I easily went out a few moments after receiving a call from “some guy”.  Oh yes, because my best friend of three years is just a random dude that wants to get in my pants, not a complete gentleman who actually cares about me.  Also, I am old enough to do whatever I want without having to answer to someone I am just living with.

In fact, I met up Jon again just last night, because it was a lovely evening that I was not going to waste sitting inside among company I did not care to keep.  We engaged massive quantities of traffic trying to get somewhere, but it did not bother me because there was good music filling the Chevy along with smoke from a joint.  Stopped off at Rita’s for some delicious water ice, where we got yelled at because we were kissing behind a guy’s van as he was trying to pull out.

Got back onto the highway where even more traffic was encountered and attempted to play some mini-golf, but the employee did not want to turn on the lights, so no dice.  Undaunted, Jon suggests that we go play pool instead.  Since I am absolutely terrible at that, I did not win a single game but I certainly had a great time.  It is a comfort to have someone you can make sarcastic and witty remarks to that won’t be offended, but instead have a quick response.  Of course you cannot put a Carny in a pool hall and expect him to just play the game for sport.  Watching him hustle those rubes made me want to burst out in laughter, but I sat and admired how skillful his strokes were.  Even when it seemed that he was in a tough position, Jon managed to get those numbered balls into the pockets with ease and walked away with quite the little jackpot.

Jon then mentions that he would like to take me down to the beach, and of course any time is a good time for some beach action, so we head out and climb into his Chevy.  A strange thing happened in the parking lot – I saw this wine basket just sitting behind a car and joked that I would like to swipe it.  Then some guy walks by it and picks it up, so I assumed that it was his.  A few moments later, a woman came up to us and asked if we had seen said basket, and I explained that someone picked it up.  She seemed a bit distraught and went off in search of the wine thief while Jon and I exploded with laughter.

His Chevy hurtled down the Parkway to Keansburg, which I haven’t been to since the last time I went.  Actually, I have not been to the beach since May, so it was definitely nice to have sand squishing between my toes again.  Wandered along the shoreline despite the fact that it was very windy and sand was hitting us in the face.  Jon thought it was funny to scoop me up and threaten to drop me in the water.  Much shrieking and pleading ensued before he put me down again.  Gazing up into his eyes, I felt as though there was something he wanted to say, but then I got pelted with a pebble or something and had to look away.

Retreating to the Chevy, we smoked a joint and spoke casually about future plans for the sideshow and life in general.  The other things that may or may not have happened in that car will be omitted and remain unspoken, other than to say I was smiling again when we parted.

Got back to the apartment after four in the a.m. and have to admit that I am feeling slightly spoiled with all of this attention.