Halloween Horror

[Originally written on this date in 2004]

Everything started out fine and yet the result was a castastrophe, an event that has shaken me to the point where I have no idea how to even begin writing about what has happened.  My hands are trembling and I am doing my best to type through my tears – so glad I am by myself because I do not want anyone to see me so broken, yet I kind of wish I had someone here to comfort me.

Yesterday I came down to spend Mischief Night and Halloween with Jon, as we had planned to conduct our annual haunting of the Pine Barrens as swampy zombies and take great joy in scaring people.  He had even decided that despite the cooling weather, he was going to do a final run on the Wall of Death before packing it away for Winter.  We whittled away the afternoon putting up each other’s ‘hawks, smoking blunts, doing some corpse makeup and drinking lots of whiskey.  Dinner was biscuits and gravy because that was what Jon always ate the day before he was going to risk his life.  It gave him a sense of comfort, reminding him of being a kid and eating it with his dad during breaks when they worked a carnival circuit down in West Virginia.

Afterwards he challenged me to several drag races and that pretty much set the tone for the type of debauchery he was into that evening.  We get into the Chevy and he drives us out to this farm somewhere in South Jersey that was doing a haunted hayride, barn and walk.  The lines for the hayride and barn were too long for either of us to tolerate, so we opt for the super spooky maze thing.  While in line, we got cut due to snogging and not paying attention.  Jon was also told to “watch the four-letter words” by a parent who had heard him cursing excessively, due to the presence of young flesh.  This is not something you want to say to a man who couldn’t care less what he says around kids, and he definitely gave them a hearty sneer when I know he wanted to give them a piece of his mind.  Have to say I am proud of him for showing restraint, though I did not hesitate in delivering a ‘fuck you’ to some snot-nosed brat who decided it was cute to call me scary.  It’s Halloween – things are supposed to be scary.

The woods were not at all ‘haunted’, which Jon complained about loudly.  Could not blame him considering we have done so much more with a lot less money.  Though constructing a maze on a farm is not exactly the same as being in the Pine Barrens with strange things grabbing at you.  It was not even that dark so we could see people lurking in what little shadows there were, waiting to ‘scare’ the people that came by.  Maybe it was meant to be for younger children, and I could not help but wonder what the other two attractions where like.  At one point I caught a ghoul messing with the ‘hawk, which was wilting due to the annoying mist that fell, and it made me laugh.

Back in the Chevy, we drink all the whiskey and possibly wind up kissing for a while.  Take a momentary nap and pay no attention to the sound of the engine starting.  With fresh air rushing into my face and Jon playfully poking me while repeatedly asking if I am alright, do I need to puke, am I going to stop being a lightweight and laughing the entire time.  While my eyes do not want open, I am slightly coherent and can smell the blunt he is smoking.  The fragrant aroma is enough to encourage me to sit up and take a few drags.  Then he hands me a silver cigarette case and tells me I need to wake up before we get to our destination because he needs me.  No hesitation and no questions – I know this man too well to do either.  He has been doing coke all day and I can see the effect it is having on him but say nothing.

There is darkness all around us and the scent of pine is strong, almost as much as his arms are as they embrace me.  Our lips meet with passion and I wonder why he chose now to do this when we had all day to fool around.  This is not casual – I can feel the intensity of his actions, desires and the need to make a connection with me.  He is scared though would never express it, the adrenaline and euphoria are taking over and he is loving every moment of it.

When we reach the Wall of Death, he is grinning from ear to ear and takes a minute to soak in the roar of the crowd.  Even though he has done this hundreds of times before, I can still feel my heart racing in my chest.  Crammed into the makeshift dressing room, Jon suits up in layers of fire retardant materials and leather to protect him in case of a crash.  There have been moments in the past he had a bad spill so safety is always a priority.  When he challenges me to a race, I am too intoxicated to say what is on my mind and instead drunkenly taunt him.  This leads to five minutes of “just one more” because I actually manage to beat him a couple of  times without trying.  That is when I have to put my foot down and remind him of what he is about to do.

“But I’m the Daredevil, baby,” he says to me as a hand slips through his ‘hawk.  “Death chases me, but I am too smart to be caught so don’t you worry about a thing.”

When he kisses me I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the whole world.

Standing in the bleachers with the rest of the gathered crowd, the nervousness subsides and I am completely tuned in, shouting and cheering to pump up the energy.  When Jon comes into sight, helmet hanging on his wrist as he walks out the motorcycle, thunderous applause echoes into the evening.  He has arrived.

The engine roars, the crowd cheers and the Death Defying Daredevil rides that metallic machine round the Wall of Death.  It is an incredible scene and if you have never witnessed this amazing feat, you are truly missing out on something fantastic.  For the longest time I thought it was only something which existed in movies, and then I met Jon.  His showmanship is on a level one does not expect from a man covered in tattoos and piercings who looks like he just got in from traveling the rails most of the time.  That is what feeds him though, because he loves to prove people wrong and do things that are perceived as impossible.

He is pulling out every trick and executes them flawlessly.  This might be the best run he has ever had and I am grinning so hard my face hurts.  Then it happened – I did not see what made him pitch forward over the handlebars, but it was horrible and for a few moments the crowd had no idea what was going on.  The impact of his body against the wooden boards shattered my nerves, I cried out for help while pushing my way through the mass of useless flesh around me.  Was there even any kind of emergency response team there?  All I could think of was that my best friend was lying motionless a few yards in front of me and no one was helping him.

It felt as though an eternity passed before the medics showed up – I had no idea who was doing crowd control, and by now they had fallen silent because they realized something had gone wrong.  Apparently it was only a few minutes but it definitely felt much longer, especially when I saw them doing CPR and reaching for the defibulator.  My mind was consumed with the thought that I had just watched my best friend die and I had no shame in crying.  Then I saw him gasp for breath and the medic yelled for someone to call an ambulance.  Relief should have been sweet, but I wanted to be with Jon – there were people holding me back and I watched helplessly as he was hauled onto a stretcher.

That is the last thing I remember.  How I got back to his house is a mystery – the Chevy is parked outside and I have been wallowing in whiskey and chocolate, waiting to hear something, anything, about how Jon is doing.  Suffice to say that my Halloween is quite somber this year and I have no one to talk to about my feelings.  My best friend almost died.  No, he was clinically dead for a few minutes and I am alone in his house, too overwhelmed by everything to write any more.

Zesty Treats

Before you embark on hours of makeup and costume application for an evening of festive fun, pamper your body with limited edition holiday themed products.  Embrace the spirit of Halloween with six delightfully decadent items full of Fall fragrances that will have you swimming in waves of relaxation, plus six other equally sinful specialty beauty brews which should effectively trick onlookers into believing that you are whatever character you have chosen to portray for the evening.  Or just treat yourself to something special in lieu of costumed parties and get lost in a classic Universal monster film or other appropriate zombie/horror/gore movie fest with one of these great items from Lush!



For some, drinking a warm glass of milk before bed aides in better sleep, but I am not really keen on the idea of consuming that much liquid and then burrowing into blankets.  Instead I can turn to Twilight, soothing stress with lavender, a natural melatonin, while tonka absolute combats sleeplessness.  Printed with the moon and stars, this pretty Bath Bomb surrounds you in waters that change from pinks to purples and get darker still, much like the sky as the sun sets.



Wrap your skin in the aphrodisiac scents of ginger and jasmine while soaking in the moisturizing properties of coca butter and almond oil.  Something Wicked This Way Comes as your skin will beg to be touched, and the lucky person doing so will sure to remember you when the sensual scent lingers on their skin the following day.



Spicy clove bud and cardamom oils are trapped inside this fragrant grinning pumpkin, and Jacko even has an extra surprise in the form of spearmint oil.  Chase away those Autumn chills and carve out some much-needed alone time in your otherwise busy schedule to enjoy this warm and fizzy Bath Bomb.



Speaking of spicy suds, Pumpkin contains cinnamon, clove, cardamom and a touch of spearmint, though don’t let the handmade appearance fool you, as it is for washing and not eating.  Bring it in the bath with you after dissolving Jacko for an experience that will make you feel as though you are swimming in a pumpkin pie!




For a stunning citrus sun set in your tub, the Enchanter throws shades of tangerine across the bath water, which is then swallowed by a pink light show.  A powerful potion of lime oil cleans up congested skin while delicate notes of neroli oil helps tone it.



If you feel like the walking dead after an evening of haunting your local streets, lift your spirits with Ghost, a refreshing shower jelly that can give you an extra boost if put in the fridge or freezer.  An infusion of orchid, jasmine absolute and ylang ylang oil makes it more floral than frightful, while carrageenan seaweed gel nourishes and softens and dry patches you may have.


Suitable for all skin types, Emotional Brilliance Translucent is mattifying powder that can be used to set foundation in place with a shine-free finish, or by itself to even out skin tone when going for a natural look.  The talk base absorbs oil to give skin a smooth appearance while jojoba oil keeps it happy and healthy.  You can even swipe some over your eye lid to keep liner from smudging!


It is important to exfoliate as we slowly wander into the colder weather, and believe it or not Popcorn can leave your lips smooth all season long!  This sweet and salty lips scrub may be simple, but it is also quite scrumptiously flavored just like the satisfying snack from which its name originates.  Don’t be shy about licking it off and be sure to put it on your wish list so that you can enjoy it through all the upcoming holidays.




Firmly establish that you are always physically powerful, able to withstand pressure and are Strong competition by way of a stunning blood orange Liquid Lipstick.   The super softening base moisturizes lips, and remember to apply a lip balm first for a flawless finish.



To create an irresistible pout, paint your lips ruby-red and get ready to have the most life-changing smooch ever.  Inspired by a certain apple-biting princess, It Started With A Kiss blends a warm apple infusion into warming cinnamon and is sprinkled with a hint of white chocolate.  This can also be used as a cheek stain by simply dabbing on a small amount and blending it in!


The best part of Mange Too might be the fact that it is an edible Massage Bar, but who could resist the sweet scent of chocolate combined with honey and banana?  Soften skin with Shea and cocoa butter, which moisturizes and leaves you feeling pliable.



Encourage a healthy dose of physical affection with Bewitched, a love potion turned Massage Bar that is infused with lime and violet leaf fragrance for an uplifting and stimulating experience.  Chamomile will help the object of your lust to forget about past lovers, and extra virgin coconut oil will improve your skin’s tone.

Punk Rock Bowling

Even though I have not really mentioned it much, I wanted to check out Punk Rock Bowling down at Asbury Lanes for quite some time now but never really got around to it due to not wanting to go alone.  Seeing as how that was no longer a factor, I put on my best attire and drove down to the Shore to meet up with Jon.  He looked just smashing in an authentic 50’s bowling shirt that was red and black, pants that were more patches than material and a pair of red snake skin boots, his ‘hawk combed into a pompadour.

We smoked a blunt in the Chevy and as we cruised the highway, the scene was like something out of a Hollywood movie.  Sunset was a brilliant show of deep pink glowing beneath purple clouds; in front of us was AN expanse of blue sky, perfectly off-set by the full moon, a dusky orange orb that made for a nice contrast.  As the sunlight faded from the sky, we stopped off at the Americana, one of those old-fashioned chrome joints that we enjoy eating at.  The interior was equally impressive – tiled floor, vinyl booths and neon lights.  The food was excellent, the service delightful and it was almost a shame that we had to leave because it was such a positive atmosphere.

Continued on to our destination while drinking whiskey and filling the Chevy with excited chatter.  Before heading to the lanes, we poked around the remains of Asbury’s amusement area.  It was strange and kind of sad not seeing the familiar garishly painted walls of the Palace.  There is still a piece of it left, aside from a pile of ruble.  Was disappointed that the doors of the carousel house were boarded up, but  Jon discovered that one of them had been forgotten.  Of course I took the opportunity to peek inside and I groaned at the gross neglect.  We walked along the beach for a bit, trying to figure out how to gain entrance into the casino as we smoked a blunt and made up stories about the people who must have been there at one time.

Heading around the other side, Jon pried a board loose and I got a first-hand look into the building.  While I may not have seen anything due to the darkness, I definitely got a vibe from that place.  The lights on the boardwalk filtered through the broken and dusty windows, dimly illuminating the nothingness inside.  The chandeliers are still fixed to the ceiling, as though waiting to be turned on some day.  There was a lot of water on the floor and archways that most likely led to the carousel house.  Having our fill or exploration, we got back in the car and took a short drive down the street.

Jon found a spot to park the Chevy and we walked two blocks to the lanes, which had been desolate just an hour before but was now full of life.  Part of the reason we planned the trip was so that we could catch the lunar eclipse, knowing that the ocean would be a good place to get a clear view of it.  We stood on the beach drinking whiskey and mushroom tea, eyes fixed to the sky.  The moon was almost entirely obscured, giving it a strange orange glow, with a thin sliver still visible – it was absolutely incredible and I just wanted to be lost in that moment with the person I loved most.

After consuming all the alcohol, we went inside the bowling alley, suiting up in rented shoes and ready to rock it on the lanes.  Hats off to the DJ who spun all the old school punk, and I loved that the Gallows played right on the lanes.  Seriously, we were rolling that ball down the lane with the band right next to us.  Jon beat me at every game, but it was all in good fun.  Kind of surprised that were able to bowl at all considering the level of intoxicating substances coursing through our bodies.  Anyway, six games for a sawbuck  per person to bowl ’til you drop ain’t bad, though I have no idea how much drinks costs since we brought our own.

We returned the shoes and instead of getting back into the Chevy, Jon led me down to the beach where things got physically intimate.  Some random guy was wandering the beach and we joked that he probably just got a free show.  There was another diner stop on the way back to his house because he wanted some coffee for the drive.  Though the whole evening was a whirlwind of laughter and I had a really great time, he still seemed distracted by something which makes me concerned.  If I bring it up though, he will tell me that I should not worry because he is fine and if he wasn’t then he would certainly tell me.

This is all I have been thinking about for the past couple of days and I am starting to realize that if we are going to keep pursuing this level of relationship, I need to move out of this apartment and cut all ties with the Asshole.  He may have been my friend once, but he is not a person who I need in my life any more.  It is not going to be easy because I have nowhere to go at the moment and Jon does not want to put me at risk by letting me stay with him, but I trust him when he tells me he will take care of it.  He always finds a way to keep such promises, so I will try to focus on the positive and keep all of this to myself.

Ghoulish Glamour

Taking inspiration from the Halloween season and incorporating it into classic, chic looks that will have everyone proclaiming how simply goregeous you are requires a delicate balance of influences.  While I absolutely love the retro movie monster images that are showing up on a number of dresses, there can be such a thing as too much kitsch, such as also wearing Bride of Frankenstein hair clips.  Besides, once everyone moves on to the next ‘holiday’, you do not want to be stuck with a bunch of items that are only appropriate for themed parties.  This guide is geared towards those who prefer sophistication over being yet another sexy stereotype and crave fashion forward ensembles that proudly proclaim unique personalities.


Peter pan collars are all the rage yet one might be wary of an attribute that could possibly make a garment and its wearer seem young, and not in that flattering way.  However, when combined with the curve hugging features of the Back to Ghoul Dress, it gives off a grown up Wednesday Addams vibe.  Wear with a pair of Jeffrey Campbell Damsel Spikes in gold along with Twin Stars Print Tights in black and gold to give the outfit  some flash.


The vintage style of Ghoul Gallery, another lovely dress by Folter, features a pattern influenced by Edward Gorey, puff sleeves and a soft mauve color that is accented by the black peter pan collar and matching waistband.  Creep around in Jeffrey Campbell’s Night Tick, a stunning hybrid of two of his more prominent style in one stunning shoe.   The black leather upper is contrasted by silver scales and creates an otherworldly appearance that can be accentuated with vertical striped socks.


Delightfully frightful, the Paperdoll Damn Dress is a cotton dress with movie monster print, a fitted bodice and waistband and bits of trim that really make the silhouette stand out.  Turn even more heads with Lancer, a feisty stiletto peep toe Jeffrey Campbell creation that is pierced with black spikes.  Pamper your pout with Howl by Illamasqua, a deep terracotta red with a matte finish that is less Hollywood harlot and more film noir heroine.


Paperdoll‘s Sew What Dress is a more subtle take on monster movie print, featuring it along the bust and hemline on an otherwise black dress.  The yellow lightning bolts embroidered on the body of the dress along with the lace trim and decorative bow add an extra element excitement to the garment.  Jeffrey Campbell can help your feet when you Sit Down, which seems to be a mix between a platform and a loafer, white and black patent leather complimenting each other while offering contrast to the dress.  A simple pinup style cat eye lets lips take center stage in Fetish, a bright blueberry violet that says couture, not corpse.


The above fashions are available through Sourpuss, while all shoes can be found on Solestruck, and both sites offer an almost unlimited amount of possibilities when it comes to coordinating creepy chic.  For a more intense vibe, one can take the step into horror glamour with the right additions to your regular wardrobe to create a unique creature.  The final two looks in this guide utilize Gartered Leg Prosthetics by OpenWoundFX, which are a great accessory to burlesque bustles, pinup wiggle dresses or anything else you can imagine.  Instructions for application can be found on their website, all you have to do is get dressed, add blood and scare up compliments.


When it comes to evoking old Hollywood glamour, Pinup Couture delivers with a gorgeous, gathered, skirted suit designed to nip you in at the right places while accentuating your curves.  Though the Marilyn is indeed a one piece swimsuit, it would be easy to slip on a matching bolero and tie on a layered silk and lace bustle for an instant burlesque costume.  Shoe icon Pleaser has a brand of fetish shoes called Devious, a collection that features spiked heels and towering platforms.  It is not far off from their Bordello brand, as Bondage sounds more intimidating than it is considering the shoe is a square toed Mary Jane with three straps, though that all sets off the stunning pink color.  Lush lovers will find that the company now has its own line of makeup, and Decisive immediately sprung to mind as the hue with which one should stain their lips.  The liquid lipstick is described as being “vintage cherry red” that also softens and moisturizes as you wear it.


A recreation of a 1950’s piece, the Cabaret Torsolette by What Katie Did offers the ultimate in support with cathedral boning, sheer organza and gently shaping powermesh.  The latter features steel boning and chevron seeming for maximum cinching and definition, while decorative stitching adds period detail.  Since it also comes with six garters, this will ass you in pulling off the prosthetic mentioned above.  Complete the retro look with Cabaret Tap Panties, naughty knickers that have an authentic flat front, fitted waist and generous hips, a satin art deco motif protecting your modesty.  Funtasma is the section of Pleaser for fantasy footwear, and I thought the Flapper would be a nice way to set off the peach of the lingerie. With an open toe and back, this knee boot is wrapped in fringe and sparkles with sequins.  Show the world your Ambition with pillar box red liquid lipstick by Lush, which also can be used as cream blusher.

Creepy Cool

Enjoying seasonable activities such as picking pumpkins, scouting peak foliage or winding through a haunted corn maze calls for festive fashion that embraces some of the imagery associated with what I feel is one of the grandest holidays we have.  Though everyone has their own way of celebrating Halloween, it should be done in style without falling prey to the urge of wearing every stereotypical icon possible.  Instead, select one or two pieces to be the highlight of an outfit and utilize current trends so that your personalized ensemble is not mistaken for a costume.  Even if it is, I have found that smiling politely and saying thank-you garners a much more amusing reaction than scowling and snapping.  This guide features fabulous frocks and ghoulish accessories at affordable prices that will put you in the fright mood!



An ideal way to show off your love of horror chic is the Fright Night Dress, which is made of 100% cotton that is covered with images of legendary movie monsters, has an elastic empire waist and is trimmed in black at the neckline and slopes into soft straps.



Chains, hooks, blood and leather might be a good idea for a Hellraiser themed costume if one has the time and money to spend on an elaborate visage.  A more sensible homage is the Kirsty Dressy by Hell Bunny, a black cotton dress printed with skulls, spiders and webs.



Fans of Spidora can substitute the suggested outwear for the Sourpuss Web Cardigan, a black cotton button up with white webs embroidered on the shoulders.



This soft black Ribcage Cardigan from Too Fast features art by Care Dutton in the form of knit in bones, ribcage and bright right heart.



Though the temperatures have been relatively moderate, it is only a matter of time before nights get chilly so be prepared with these white and black Bone Over the Knee Socks from Sourpuss.




Continuing with the bone theme, these Bone Heel Bird Skeleton shoes by Too Fast have shiny black bone-shaped heels that compliment the concealed platform, open toe and Paulo Rocker’s artwork painted on the sides.





After a few too many nights watching her husband pass out on the couch with a beer in his hand and a cigarette burnt to the filter, this lovely dame decided to take matters into her own hands.  Unfortunately for him, there were some fatal consequences!”  Sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, and when she’s looking for a quick getaway she grabs Too Fast’s Bates Bowling Bag with Die, Die My Darling print.



Possibly the most iconic of all female horror movie monsters is captured elegantly on the Bride of Frankenstein Handbag by Rock Rebel, large enough for all your essentials when haunting your favorite local attraction.



One  can never be too ready for the impending zombie invasion, so why not do it with style?  Kreepsville 666 has this awesome durable Zombie Barrel Bag, a black heavy duty polyester bag that is printed with zombies and brains, featuring carry handles, adjustable detachable shoulder strap and outside zip pocket.



When going for a retro or vintage look, particularly if you want to put a different spin on the classic pinup girl, sometimes the right accent piece can really set the whole thing off.  Restyle offers these stunning purple and clear Cat Eye Glasses, subtle in color and decoration yet powerful enough to draw attention.




Share this kitschy cute white bronze Zombie Friendship Necklace with your ZFF – zombie friend forever – as a testament to your eternal relationship.



Laughing Vixen Lounge has an exclusive range of Zombie Pinup Compacts, which is a fun way to collect your favorite pinup art with a personal touch.  These compacts are versatile in that they can also be used as pill containers or to conceal small personal items and can be slipped into your purse year round.

Jersey Trash Adventures

[Originally written on this date in 2004]

Going out in public with freshly shaved heads the other day proved to be another round of amusement for Jon and myself.  For a moment I forgot that either of us had a mohawk, perhaps distracted by all the fun we were having.  However, when he answered the door and had his fanned out, I laughed and was greeted with tattooed hands rubbing the sides of my head.  It was definitely going to be a great night.

After having a smoke and being struck with the overwhelming urge to eat, we found ourselves at a local buffet complete with super tacky decor, though I have to say the food was plentiful and really tasty.  The people seated a table over from us just would not stop looking at us – it was not really staring, but more like long casual glances.  At one point Jon catches one of them and plainly asked: “What? Ya’ll never done saw people eat before?

Needless to say they seemed to be embarrassed and kept their eyes to themselves for the remainder of the time we were there.  What made me want to laugh out loud was that he did not even say it in a rude manner – he put on a huge smile and brought out the Southern drawl and posed the question in the most charming way possible.  It was difficult to restrain a chuckle because I thought the whole thing was hilarious.

On the way back to his house, Jon decides that he wants to take slight detour out to the woods and it has been a while since we have been among those towering pine trees.  After parking the Chevy, he leads me to this tiny waterfall that is as postcard perfect as it gets.   Though I was a bit nervous about being close to the edge, Jon reassured me that  I was not going to fall in, his arm around my waist for extra comfort.  Of course the dark woods, equally dark sky and the slight roar of the waterfall pretty much set the mood for a romantic moment.  It was not magical – there were no happy twinkling stars and singing trees or any of that crap you see in animated moves.  It was raw, powerful and the most real thing I have ever felt.

Parting ways instead of spending the night with him was almost painful, but he seemed to be distracted by something and I felt it was better to give him space.  He did make an appearance in my dreams that evening, and the following one as well.

When Jon and I met up earlier today, I had him come to the apartment [while the Asshole was gone] because I wanted to conserve as much gas as possible for the next day’s driving duties.  Busied myself with cleaning out the car, having to remove leftover stuff from when we were selling at the flea market.  Then I spent a couple of hours vacuuming out all the sand, because while I love traveling with little pieces of the place I go, I also want to have a decent-looking vehicle.

Upon his arrival we smoked a blunt and had a discussion about what we wanted to do.  After listing several possibilities, then going through the pros and cons of each, Jon suggested that we prowl the mall for kicks and produces a familiar object that causes me to send him a rather harsh glance.  He supplies a sheepish grin and I seem unable to resist falling prey to his influence.

It was the first time I actually threw the ‘hawk up for public viewing, though I left a chunk down in front that is sort of swept to the side.  Jon had his spiked and was in a rather jovial mood, grasping my hand tenderly while skipping through the parking lot.  The King and Queen made their arrival at the mall, where a good portion of Jersey’s population seemed to have congregated.  It had slipped my mind that the mall would be a popular destination on a Saturday night, but we strut our shit L.A.M.F. nonetheless because it is always fun to make a scene.

Mostly we just walked around making fun of pretty much everything, though kept it at a volume that would not offend.  There were a lot of people wearing Hot Topic gear, which I suppose is fine if that is what you like, but the same kids talk about how it makes them different yet they wind up looking the same.  With Jon and myself, while we prefer certain aesthetics, we do not generally subscribe to any specific genre or subculture, mostly because we find labels to be silly and restrictive.  However, I do believe we are a successful visually appealing couple, in that we compliment each other in a variety of ways.  For instance, I spied another couple and the girl gestured to her boy in our direction.  Though I am not sure what she said, I got the feeling that they were perhaps admiring a well-coordinated duo.

The night was still young and we had our fill of the mall, so we headed over to a book store and were intrigued by the tattoo magazines.  That seemed to be another popular place for people to go and we did not stay long.  Wandered next door to Party City with the purpose of mocking this year’s selection of costumes and were quite successful in that mission.  Of course we are going to be zombies, because it is something we really enjoy doing, especially the challenge of bringing something different into the look.  Had an interesting conversation with a cop on our way out because he apparently liked our hair and wanted to know how we got it to stand up.

Since I had something to do the next day, Jon brought me back  to the apartment where it took about half an hour to part ways, which ended with my face in his hands.  Staring into those gorgeous grey-blue eyes, he said those magic words, kissed me softly and told me to get inside before I caught any heat.  That might have been the first time has actually expressed his feelings in such a manner, and I am kind of overwhelmed by it.

The next week is going to be long, but I have driving duties to get paid for and might plan a trip into the City for some new body jewelry to fill the time.

Autumn in the Garden State

[Originally written on this date in 2004]

Driving down to South Jersey never seems to go fast enough – there is always traffic and lights and bullshit, but by the time I get there none of those things really matter.  This strange feeling overwhelms me, and that smile comes back to my face.  The salty smell of the ocean fills my lungs and I forget that I am even in the same state as I was just a few hours ago.  Sand and sea stretch for miles in front of me; all I can think about is how happy I am and eagerness propels me to his door.  He is always smiling when he opens it, and then I am buried in his arms.

The rain cancelled any outdoors activities we had planned, so we opted for a sit-down dinner instead.  Let me note here that going out to eat seems like the thing to do on a Friday night.  In all honesty, there are moments where we enjoy the comfort of sitting at home with a meal we cooked ourselves, as we find the whole ritual to be quite satisfactory and obviously appreciate each other’s company.  There are also certain things which are not exactly appropriate for public that are fare easier to do at home.   However, there are other times when we are just in the mood to make a scene, which is something that Jon and I accomplish without ever really trying.

Though I am not sure what it is, people stare at us pretty much every time we go out.  While we expect it on some level because we are modified and dress in what I suppose is considered an ‘alternative’ style, it can be sort of annoying when we just want to eat some good food.  Then again, the entire situation tends to amuse us, as do the people.

Our first attempt to join the masses was at one of our favorite Italian restaurants, but the wait to be seated was 45 minutes and our stomachs would have none of that.  Undeterred, we went across the way to a Mexican joint where there was still a 30 minute wait, but we decided to stay anyway.  We went outside for a smoke and it did not seem like it took that long to be seated.

Sipping on whiskey and nibbling on the free basket of house made tortilla chips, we placed our order and took to browsing the tables while making small talk.  Jon was highly entertained by the couple seated at the table next to us, mostly due to the fact that one of their sons was more interested in sleeping than eating his food.  One of Jon’s favorite games is to go around the room and tell me things about people he can pick up just by their appearance and watching them socialize for a few moments.  Not only is is fairly impressive because he has a high accuracy rating, but I usually find myself cramping from fits of laughter as he gives his impression of what they must sound like as they go about their day doing menial things.

Eventually, after much waiting and nearly throwing silverware at the waiter to gain attention, our meals were finally delivered.  Though the food was simple, it was incredibly delicious and gave us the fuel we had been seeking.  Headed back to his place where more whiskey and other things were consumed while watching a couple of horror movies.  Later on we made our way out to the beach and star gazed for several hours.  It might have been chilly, but I had my best friend to keep me warm so I did not mind.

The following day we rolled out of bed at two in the afternoon – I went into the kitchen to boil water for tea and toast some bread.  Was in the middle of cooking eggs when Jon wandered in, a smile twitching on his lips as he made a joke about me being a good housewife.  The sky was pretty dark, clouds hanging heavy and a very low rumble in the distance.  When the storm rolled in, we sat outside on his deck to watch the lightning dance across the churning ocean, which I found to be incredibly fascinating.  Spending quality time with Jon is definitely enough to make me happy for the rest of my life.  Just another half hour, I kept thinking to myself, trying to avoid glancing at the clock.

Several hours later, I realized that it would be wise to make my way back to E-town, lest the Asshole give me shit for staying out all night and day and night, again.   Not that it is any of his business, though he seems to think because we live together I owe him a detailed log of my activities, and I would rather keep the peace for the moment until I can come up with a solid plan for moving out.

No matter how many times I make the drive to see Jon, I always enjoy it and feel though I am absolutely spoiled by gorgeous Autumn afternoons.  With these brilliant colors splashed across the trees, swinging to tunes on the AM dial [those golden oldies, rockabilly, doo-wop and whatnot], I always seem to roll out in a good mood, ready for whatever adventure awaits.

However, before heading down to my destination earlier today, I had decided to make a little stop.  After failing to be able to do something with my hair, I went to Sparks in New Brunswick.  What else was there to do with this mass of hair on my head other than to cut it down?   That’s right – I finally got myself a decent mohawk.  Oh how happy I was too!  [Currently still feeling just as good about it!]

Though I am sure that I have efficiently mentioned how thrilled I am to arrive at my destination knowing that a warm embrace awaits me, it never hurts to make a note of it again.  Excitement filled me when I entered Jon’s house – the expression on his face when I walked in with the ‘hawk thrown up was absolutely priceless.  Needless to say he paid me a lovely compliment and I felt myself blush horribly while thanking him.  Then he says that he wants me to shave his head too and I laughed because I thought he was joking.

Moments later we are smoking a joint in his bathroom and Jon urges me to go for it.  The clippers buzz to life and I wanted to weep for those glossy dirty blonde locks as they fell to the white tiled floor.  Of course then I remembered that he has the sides of his head and face tattooed and that made me smile.  Now we have matching cuts, though his ‘hawk is slightly narrower than mine.

Jon suggests that we go see a movie, so we head out and stop for a bite to eat.  Our original choice was a quick slice of pizza, but the dining  area was closed and they were doing take-out only.  Was not happy stepping in that cheese substance on the floor – it could have ruined my boots.

We wind up with a table at a steakhouse instead, noting that not as many people dine out on a Monday night as they do on a Friday night.  Anyway, the decor of that place place was a hoot – taxidermied animals and western-themed items littered the walls, and no steakhouse would be complete without some steer heads mounted on them there walls!  We had an excellent dinner and were entertained by the people watching the baseball game.

Then we headed over to the theater for Team America: World Police.  The commercials seemed funny enough, and I was in the mood for some laughing.  Who knew puppets could be so hilarious?  It did not matter that you could see the strings, or that the panthers were really black cats.  Might I also mention that puppets having sex is just ridiculous, but in a good way.

That damn song is still stuck in my head.

Our good-byes are becoming notoriously lengthy, but when do I ever want to leave?  It would seem like the obvious answer is to just move in with Jon, but our relationship has always been more complicated than that.  From the very first moment I met him, he warned me that even talking to him could put my life in danger.  That is something I accepted and generally ignored as paranoia, not because I did not believe him, but rather because in the beginning I did not see any sort of threat.  Obviously that changed and we have both received various threats during the course of knowing each other, though none of them have been carried out.  Still, we take caution and just being out together in public could be dangerous.

The worst part is that I cannot talk to anyone about this, because I feel they would think we are out of minds and do not understand the things we have experienced.  While we definitely have developed an intimate relationship, it has not gone into the territory of being a long- term commitment.  That is something I know we both want, but he hesitates because he also wants to keep me safe, even if that means we need to have distance between us.  Then again, this is not a permanent situation, and I cling onto that hope because I am so desperately in love with him.