Sideshow at the Rail – Act 2

[Originally written on this date in 2005]

Tonight was Electric Sideshow’s second performance of the month, and I could really get used to doing this every two weeks.  Despite everything that happened with Jon just a few days ago, my partner and I have been practicing and I obviously always look forward to having the opportunity to perform.  It would be a lie to say I was not distracted, but I also have a job to do and need to keep my head in the game if I want to do it well.  At least this time I drove up by myself and my partner rode with his friend, the one my friend James used to date, and I was glad because that meant I could focus on rehearsing my pitch so I could be less nervous.

There did not seem to be as many people there as the last time, but having a captive audience in general is good and I always put forth my best effort whether there is one or one hundred in the crowd.  During the sideshow intermission of karaoke night, I had the pleasure of lighting a cigarette off the flames in the other performer’s mouth and took a bow to applause that I am sure was meant for him because I was caught in a moment of showmanship.  Then it was time for Electric Sideshow and our Human Blockhead routine, which went very smoothly.  The act has been dubbed Dueling Blockheads, which is what I had intended it to be.

A brief description of how it goes:  we get up in front of the audience and after an introduction, I pitch the act  hen proceed to jab an ice pick into my head; the audience reaction is as expected.  Some even scream out “No, don’t do that!” and then groan when you defy them.  My partner then inserts a screwdriver into his head, gives it a few good spins and makes the joke about having a few screws loose.  Next I pick up the hammer and nail, the patter flowing at a good pace as I hammer the nail into my head, which looks mighty painful to the crowd.  Not to be outdone, my partner does the same; at this point I thought it best to give someone in the audience an up-close view of me doing this, and after driving a second nail into my other nostril, allow said participant to remove the nails.

The first show at the Rail we did the Human Drinking Straw, but I did not want to do the same thing again and went into the pitch for Pierced Weightlifting.  During my spiel I ran a chain through the handle of a generic clothes iron, secured the chains to my ears by way of clips [after taking the jewelry out], and thusly lifted the iron off the floor with little effort.  The audience was impressed and their encouraging applause caused me to start turning in circles, the iron swinging in the air as my skirt twirled.  After I set the iron down and we moved the props so that the second half of karaoke night could continue, the act was dubbed the Human Wrecking Ball and I was being asked if I though I could hoist heavier weight.

That is something I have not considered yet, so honestly replied I would have to carefully work on that but the iron was humorous enough that it would be fine for the time being.  While in front of that crowd I was desperately searching for someone who even remotely looked like Jon, though knowing his penchant for disguise and the ability to blend into a crowd combined with the fact there were bright lights in my eyes yielded nothing.

Sleep was interrupted with too many thoughts and when I finally got out of bed I decided I needed a distraction.  Scraping together all of my change, I walked up to the grocery store and cashed it at the CoinStar so that I could have booze money.  The absence of pot smoking has been filled with drinking, though it started off as a social and casual thing before evolving into the ability to polish off a liter of whiskey in two days.  At this point I have accumulated enough bottles to build a small pyramid and while I am not proud of these facts, it is difficult to fight the urge to be drunk.  Since I was already there, I decided to buy some food and DIY nachos so that at least there was some food in my stomach before assaulting it with alcohol.

After making and consuming said nachos, I put myself together, got in my car and drove out to a pool hall.  Drank whiskey in the parking lot and then headed inside, but I had to wait for a table so entertained myself with a video game, which I somehow wound up winning.  It was one of those shooting games and considering the whiskey was starting to hit me, I was surprised I could even hit the targets.  When a table open up I was escorted to it and was just going to knock a few balls around for fun when some guy came over and asked if I wanted to play a few games.  He wanted to bet, of course, and I wished Jon was there with me to hustle the fuck out of the rube.  Then I figured I had seen him do it enough I could try it out for myself.

Three games I got my ass handed to me, all the while this guy is laughing as he takes my money and makes some misogynistic comments that I just laugh off.  The fourth game starts and I drop the Dumb Girl act, concentrating on every shot even though I am drunk and manage to win all of my money back, plus some.

Hit up the diner on the way back to the house and James is there, which leads to interesting conversation that included fornication with my earlobes and how condoms are only useful for Mental Floss.

That was the extent of seeing each other, as I was tired from drinking too much whiskey and had to get back before I was too tired to drive.


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