[Originally written on this date in 2005]
Though I have been busy it feels as though something is off, and for once there is not much I want to say. To be honest, this is related to Jon and how his behavior shifted following the accident we were in a few weeks ago. For someone who used to willingly risk their life, it is unsettling to see him so shaken and I wind up feeling helpless on account I am unsure of what to do.
Getting the money from my settlement has led me to formulate an absurd plan I hope to execute quite soon, and perhaps that will change my mood. While I am not in a bad one per say, I want to be moving in a different direction. Almost eight months have passed and a certain something is still lacking at the moment, and the time has come to change that.
Last week I decided to switch up my hair color again as the black was becoming boring and I was struck with an idea as I was playing around with my ‘hawk. At the beauty supply store I purchased some Wella in ash blonde, natural blonde [three shades lighter than my natural color] and this lovely violet-based red. When I returned to the house, I stripped the black out of my hair leaving it a nice deep gold shade. Have to say that stripping hair is much different from bleaching it, as I was not left with annoying orange tones.
The next day I traveled up to E-town to dye my sister’s hair in exchange for having her help me with mine. A slight interjection, if I may. Being up there in the old ‘hood was a bit weird. Though I do not really have any feelings towards the Asshole, passing by the place I used to live gave me chills. The fact I still have dreams about him does not help, but I have no control over those and ignore them the best I can.
Commenced dying of hair; hers was easy since all I had to do was mix the dye, apply it to the hair and wait. While mine had to be more difficult, though that was due to having three colors. Each dye had to be mixed, sections were made and then the dye had to be carefully applied. The pattern I laid out started at the front with the natural blonde, followed by the red, ash blonde, black [I couldn’t resist keeping just a little bit], ash, red and blonde again; the sidelocks were just bleached again.
Since I had no idea how the dyes would take over the stripped hair or if the roots would blend, I must say that the end result is quite pleasing, particularly the sidelocks which are light blonde fading to a gold tone. Now all I have to do is be patient and wait for my hair to grow, and by Autumn the multiple colors should be more prominent.
For some reason, I came up with the idea it would be fun to see how many days in a row I could get drunk. Apparently imbibing alcohol is the way I deal with overwhelming thoughts and emotions, which I have been experiencing a lot lately. There was a restaurant having a grand opening up the street so I decided to check it out since I did not have to go far. The place was absolutely packed when I arrived, with standing room only at the bar and a half hour wait for a table. Since I was in the mood to try out one of their advertised margaritas, I did not mind waiting at first. However, after forty-five minutes had passed and the bartenders shot off cap guns, I had my limit of being around people and decided to leave.
Wound up at a quiet diner instead where I had chicken fajitas and spent half my time staring out the window as though I was expecting Jon to show up at any minute. Every day it gets warmer all I can think about is how much I looked forward to Summer on account it meant I would be performing with Outlaw Cirkus and going on adventures with my best friend. Perhaps that is what has motivated me to see how much booze I can feed my body until it cries for me to stop.
Following a filling dessert, I walked from the diner to a liquor store and got there right before closing. Which meant that I actually had to purchases the case of Watermelon flavored Smirnoff [malt liquor], as I was curious of how it would taste. Okay, I also wanted to prepare myself for the heavier drinking I had planned for the weekend and was trying my best to save money. Then again, having someone send me funds a few weeks ago to use as I wished helped me to not feel too bad about spending some.
The six-pack accompanied me to a wooded area of a local park where I spent the rest of the evening drinking and writing.